Who is in charge of your memories?

I was clearing out some photographs over the weekend and had to decide whether to keep or delete photographs of people who are no longer part of my life. I decided to keep the photographs because each one of those people made me the person I am today, and I want to take my gratitude for them into the future. I have no desire to destroy them or their images. And this is not emotional baggage either. If I lose the photographs because of my own doing, I will not be devastated.

This reminded me of my first serious adult relationship – a really sweet one that was not meant to last. Even at the time I knew that I was out of my depth and I think that contributed to me feeling flattered about the attention I was receiving at the time. When the relationship fizzled out, I felt gratitude and relief and moved on – and kept the photographs and mementos.

Then I had another relationship where my new partner insisted on destroying all those innocent love letters and photographs. At the time I thought I should feel flattered because of his jealousy and possessiveness, but I just felt bewildered and a sense of loss.

That sense of loss has remained with me until this day. It is not a matter of getting closure or letting go of the previous relationship – that was never relevant.

Not all memories of a past relationship are “bad” – or “good” for that matter. Those memories are part of a path of self-discovery and very personal.

When you hand your memories to another person, no matter what your motivation is, it is in fact the beginning of the end for the new relationship. This is the point where you hand over control of your destiny to your new partner, and where you put a part of yourself on hold. That part of yourself does not go away – it waits until you are ready to deal with it.

I spent the rest of the weekend recalling my rose-coloured version of that first relationship – and maybe it was good that there were no photographs or love letters to remind me of the reality – who knows?

I only realized yesterday what I was meant to learn from an incident that happened a lifetime ago – because I am now ready to learn and move on.

If you have to do something purely for the passion and because you feel it is your life’s work, what would that be?

Are you doing it already?

If not, why not? What is holding you back?

More important – when will you start?

Have you smiled today? Have you given someone else a reason to smile?

Watch this short video and have a lovely day.

?Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.

I like to believe that there is good in every person, and all we need to do is keep looking and keep loving.

I am also realistic because life has taught me that this approach only works up to a point. Some people are on this earth to spread poison and malice, and with the best will in the world you cannot change them, because their mission is not to change.

There have been times in my life when I was so bombarded with negative energy that I felt I was being dragged down into the same space as the people who projected their lack of self-love on me. I have had to make some very hard decisions about people that were supposed to be close to me, but who were clearly out to destroy me. I had to distance myself from those people and it was very painful but necessary for my own survival.

The consequence was that by detaching myself from the person and the situation, I discovered what those people had to teach me. I was then able to appreciate the wisdom I gained from them and think of them with unconditional love – or so I thought. The love was there, but on the condition that despite my gratitude towards them, I had to stay away from them if I wanted to be my true self.

I discovered that as people we are not capable of unconditional love, but we are capable of forgiveness – in the sense that forgiveness means understanding what those people have had to teach us, and feeling gratitude for the wisdom we gained from our experience.

Social media is no different from life – in fact, social media contacts are probably even more intense and instructive than having personal contact with people.

When we have personal contact with people, we can lie and pretend, and get away with it for a while. With social media, every word and sentence you type carries its own energy, and people pick that energy up, even if they deny that such energy exists.

I have blocked contact with a handful of people of the type of “hi mem I want to merry nice amerikin girl mem do you life alone mem”. I have blocked contact with one other person who was incredibly destructive and who on more than one occasion had a field day while intoxicated, only to brag about the situation afterwards.

I do believe in freedom of speech, and I also believe that bad energy rubs off. There are times when you have to decide to either love and leave a contact, or be dragged down to the level where that contact feels comfortable. This is no different from life away from the internet, just more intense and therefore happening much faster.

If you ever decide to block a social media contact, I trust that you will do it with love and understanding rather than with anger and resentment.

Are there things in your past that you would rather forget? Do you regret things you did, or opportunities that you missed?

Do you sometimes think how different your future will be if only you could change your past? Now there is a scary thought – why would you want to change your past?

Think of your life as a series of events. Each event has a purpose, otherwise it would not happen.

Now think of all those events that you would rather forget or wipe out. What was the purpose of each one of those events? How did each one of them contribute to making you the person you are today? And what kind of person would you have been had it not been for those events?

For example, you had the opportunity to study and get a qualification. At the time you did not want to take on the financial obligations, and you could not imagine yourself being disciplined enough to study for three years. Instead, when your parents finally kicked you out of the nest, you took the first job that came your way. You earned enough to survive and have a good time with your friends.

Then one morning you woke up and realized what you had done by turning down the opportunity to study.

What is next? Too often you get caught in a spiral of self-blame and self-pity. You focus on the missed opportunities and you tell the younger generation not to do what you have done.

Do you step back and identify and appreciate everything you have done in the meantime? Do you think of the people who look up at you as their natural leader? Do you list the skills you have gained along the way? Do you look at yourself as a unique person with character traits that are not taught as part of any formal qualification, such as empathy, using your discernment to decide who should be given a hand up and who should be left to learn from their “mistakes”, how to manage your finances, and so on? The list of what you have learned as a result of the route you took is often far longer than the list of things you believe you have lost.

So here is the choice: remain stuck in the past and continue to regret and resent the path you have taken, or make a list of everything you have gained and learned, that made you the person you are today. Who you are right now is a result of your past, and your foundation for the future, regardless of how you choose to deal with your past.

The foundation is there. You can use half of it and build a future full of self-blame and self-pity, or you can use the entire foundation and build a future based on appreciation and gratitude for who you have become.

You will make the choice that is right for you.

Do you realize what a work of art your human body is?

Reflexologists can diagnose and pinpoint the stress in your body by pressing on various parts of your feet and hands.

Homeopaths can diagnose dis-ease in the body by looking into your eye.

The ancient Chinese diagnosed dis-ease by feeling your ear.

Even today people give up smoking by means of acupuncture treatment on the ear.

Your entire body is represented in every other part of your body.

Isn’t that a miracle?

?Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.

Have you noticed how some people remain stuck in the same painful space? For example a bad relationship, unsuitable job, no self-belief, being bullied, even physical illness. And you can add to the list.

They will remain there until they have learned what they were meant to learn about themselves, and only then will they move on.

If you are desperate for your circumstances to change so that you can experience less emotional or physical pain, maybe it is time to take a step back.

In every “bad” situation there is some “good” that you do not notice. The result is that you do not get the balanced view, which will take you to acceptance and new way of thinking and doing.

Ask yourself how you are benefiting from your circumstances, and what is it that you are not appreciating about your situation. For example, many people do not get well because their illness result in them getting attention that they would otherwise not get, and they do not want to lose that attention.

Have you noticed what happens when you point a finger to the person who is to blame for your situation?

Point that finger, and see how many fingers point back directly to you.

Why would that be – apart from the way our hands and fingers were designed? Or maybe our hands were designed in that way on purpose?

Two things happen when we blame other people for what happens to us. The first is that we refuse to take responsibility for our share in the situation. And yes, every situation that involves you always has two sides – your side and the other side.

Have you noticed that when things go wrong in your life, the common denominator in all the trouble is you?

The other thing that happens is that the person who you think is to blame, is in fact showing you a side of yourself that is there, whether you like it or not. What do you do? You could say “but I am not like that at all” and get yourself to believe it. Or you could say “a part of me is like that, whether I like it or not, and I will Love that part of myself as well”.

Now, some people will read this and say “I am not a killer”, but they would not hesitate to post on their social media profile “I could kill someone today” or assasinate the character of another person with their words.

People that interact with us hold up a mirror to us with their behaviour and say “I am showing you a part of yourself that you do not accept and Love yet. What are you going to do about it?”

Do you sometimes try to do things but then you do not succeed?

That exactly is the problem.

When you try, there is always a “but” in there. You start the action, knowing in your heart that you are not ready for it or have some objections.

Then the action fails and you blame the failure on other people or circumstances or the weather or anything you can find.

Trying is like being partly pregnant. Now try being partly pregnant – you can try any way you want, knowing that you are safe and it will not happen.

Aren’t we clever!

Here is a little exercise for you.

Quickly write down three things you believe about yourself on a piece of paper. Put the paper in your pocket.

Now ask a few people that you have regular contact with to write down three things about you on separate pieces of paper.

Compare the notes.

Who said the positive things about you?

Who said the negative things about you?

Oh, and remember to express gratitude for what you feel when you read the notes.

?Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.