On Mistresses and Morals 2
28th Jan 2009
Hello lovely people
Is this about morality? That is what most people would think.
However, I am convinced that it is about balance. The husband finds other women because he is missing some balance in his life. He does not have much in common with his wife (I overheard conversations where he was perfectly civil and friendly with her, but he could not remember which day of the week she has a half-day job). This does not matter to him because by the time he gets home she is there, waiting for him. With his mistresses, on the other hand, he always knows where they are – and this is important because he does not want them to run into each other or into his wife. That is balance.
Where is the balance for the wife? She is financially dependent on her husband. If she leaves him, she will have to find a job to maintain herself. If she values having loads of free time without her husband (that may even include a relationship with another man) and being maintained by a man, then she is satisfied. However, this will only be the position when she values those things above fidelity and honesty.
Where is the balance for the mistress? Her need for sex is satisfied, and she has the excitement of an illicit relationship as well as companionship. At the same time she has an admirer that is not there all the time, which gives her freedom. As long as these values outrank the values of for example having children or having a relationship based on trust, then she is happy.
Most often when a relationship comes to an end, it is because the values of the two partners clash. Sometimes people get into a relationship with clashing values, and they quickly move from infatuation to resentment and the end of the relationship. Other times people with different values have a relationship, and they grow and learn from one another.
When you look at the satisfaction of values in a marriage rather than at the document that makes it a marriage, the picture looks different. And the same holds for other relationships like employment or friendship as well.
Next time I will withhold my judgement and rather add to my understanding.
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Love and Light
Elsabe
