I need a divorce – and quickly 1
10th May 2009
Hello lovely people
What do you do when you let your heart run free, knowing even as it happens that you have made the worst possible decision? We often hear about celebrities that get married on a whim, and within a matter of days, or sometimes weeks, they head for the divorce court. They have the courage to stand up in public and say “This is not for me.”
But many people do not end a spur-of-the moment marriage so quickly. They decide to make the best of it, to work on the relationship, to sleep in the bed that they have made for themselves, and so on and so on.
Which is the best way to go? Get out of the marriage quickly, or work on it? There is no right or wrong answer. The issue does get confused when a marriage certificate is brought in, because then there are legal as well as emotional ties that need to be cut.
Some people get married on the basis of passion – and passion invariably burns out when the reality of daily life makes demands. When the lid of the toothpaste tube is missing, or when an unexpectedly large bill is to be paid, or the toilet seat is up, or the pockets of the clothes in the laundry bag have not been emptied, a minor incident could become a stone in a shoe and eventually a reason for divorce.
But then these issues are superficial and only become serious when they are symptoms of other, more deep-rooted issues. Often a failed marriage is based on unrealistic expectations. The ideal is to enter the marriage with no expectations at all, but we often live in a culture where especially marriage comes with many unrealistic expectations.
A comedian once said that a bride’s attitude towards her betrothed can be summed up in three words: Isle. Altar. Hymn. The implication is that women enter into a marriage with the expectation that she will get her way, but at times men also do this.
Either way, we miss the point here. A marriage or a wedding is not about the ceremony or about the legalities. It is always about the lessons that people have to learn from each other. There is no such thing as a mistake or a wrong decision. Some decisions have consequences that are harder to deal with, but those decisions are the ones that we learn most from about ourselves.
Some of us have entered into a marriage or other relationship, even an employment relationship, knowing in the pit of our stomachs that we make the biggest possible mistake, and at the same time knowing that there is no turning back. We then spent much energy first “working on the relationship”, and then justifying why we are in it.
To be continued
Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.
Love and Light
Elsabe
