How can you do this to me?
8th Mar 2008
Hello lovely people
Some people are real suckers for punishment. Like those women that keep going back to partners that abuse them physically and verbally. And there are men as well that stay with abusive partners, or people that stay in jobs or in friendships where they are bullied.
No, I am not judging them. I also have a lot of empathy for them, because it took me years to shake off two abusive relationships, many destructive work environments and some feel-bad friendships, even after I had recognized what was happening. I was also a sucker for punishment.
In this case there is more truth in that expression “sucker for punishment“ than we may realize.
We are all One and part of the same perfect diamond that is called God – or any other name that you know Him/Her by. All of us are required to form this perfect diamond, and the diamond would be flawed if any one of us is different or missing. Abusers also form part of the same diamond, and they are also part of our Oneness.
When we are in any type of relationship with a person, we have an additional bond with that person – over and above the one we have with all humanity. Imagine that bond to be like a very strong silver cord that ties two people together. That cord exists between the abuser and the abused, just like it exists between two married people that have been in a happy relationship for forty or more years.
We enter into relationships because we know intuitively that we need the other person to learn important things about ourselves, and to help us get a balance in ourselves that we would otherwise miss.
Why would anyone willingly enter into an abusive relationship? Even when people close to you warn you of what they can see but you cannot? And why would anyone stay in that relationship even when their physical and emotional safety is on line?
Because we are suckers for punishment. That silver cord is firmly in place, and it literally sucks us back to the other person until we either realize that we no longer need them and move on, or until there is an incident that weighs more than the pull from that cord, for example when our lives are threatened.
All the time while the cord is in place and we stay in an abusive relationship, we hand our own personal power over to the other person. That cord is based in the solar plexus chakra, where our will power is seated.
When the solar plexus chakra is open and healthy, we understand that we are in charge of our own lives and that we can make our own decisions. We then contribute to a relationship in equal measures, and we understand that we are in the first place individuals, and in the second place part of a relationship.
When the solar plexus chakra is blocked and not healthy, we often believe that we are powerless and that we just have to suffer the punishment that is meted out to us by our partners – or even by work colleagues or other family members that abuse us. The silver cord ties us to those people as well and not just to partners in a love relationship.
That is why people tend to stay in an abusive relationship for long times, and why they often go back even when they do get the courage to move out. They are pulled back by this cord that ties them to the abuser, because physical distance from an abuser does not change the belief that they are powerless. Physical distance does not stop them handing their power over to the abuser, because physical distance is a man-made concept and not real. That silver cord is real.
Once the change happens in the person and he/she starts to understand that they have a personal power and they take that power back, the solar plexus chakra starts to function normally. Then the person gets the courage to leave the relationship. This could mean getting a divorce, changing jobs if the abuser is a work colleague, or breaking off ties – yes, that is literally what happens – with an abusive friend or family member.
Sometimes that realization of having personal power takes a very long time, and we are forcibly removed from the situation, for example we face the wrong end of a fire-arm and flee to safety, and that gives us the courage to stay away from the abuser and heal the solar plexus chakra. Or we get dismissed from a job and discover that we are better off in a different job. Even then, it could take years to find our balance again.
The question is: why is this kind of information not available to us when we most need it? Why is the understanding and the healing not available much earlier?
I suppose that is where our karma comes in – we need the experiences to find a balance with previous experiences. We choose our lives and our experiences, and at times it is hard to remember that all our experiences and our entire lives are perfect for our purpose in this life.
Read an extract from See my Badge?, a short story that illustrates how we carry destructive relationships with us, even from a previous life.
You can also find details about the solar plexus chakra here.
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Love and Light
Elsabe
One Comment to “How can you do this to me?”
Ailsa
I could leave a comment to every posting on this site because they all get me thinking and reflecting and are relevant to things I have been going through in my own life. But here goes for now…
OK, I have noticed that abusers use a lot of manipulation and like to trade their energy with stronger more positive people so they can feed of them. They use abuse to feed and suck other people’s energy because they are not feeding themselves with their own self-esteem. The abusive behaviour brings the abused person down whilst the abuser get a pay-off to their ego and their energy goes up.
Solar-plexus power is certainly the issue and abusers like to put themselves in a dominating position in relation to the people they are abusing because secretly inside they feel powerless. They like to present a powerful image to the world that is opposite to their inner reality as a way to compensate for their inner lack.
I was involved in an abusive relationship and I noticed that the person I was involved with would steal my energy from me in all kinds of ways, verbally and in his behavior towards me. I kept myself involved in the situation because I was being manipulated and didn’t realise it at the time. He was feeding from my energetic investment in his situation and bad behaviour. My abuser was wearing all kinds of masks for show so I wouldn’t see the reality that he was desperate and sucking me and that he was in reality, a much weaker person than me. He needed to dominate and control me to appear and to convince himself he was the strong one. I didn’t realise at the time that the most loving thing for both of us was for me to emotionally detach from him. I was amazed to see how the situation transformed for the better when I did finally take back all my emotional energy and was able to love this person by loving myself first. He then had no choice but to deal with his own shadow self which he was denying – a rocky time indeed! He then had to acknowledge and deal with the painful abuse he experienced in his childhood that led him to feel powerless in the first place. I started to feel great again and it took us both to new heights of self-esteem and empowerment.
In summary then I have realised that relationships are all about energy exchange between people and the quality of the energies being exchanged should certainly be noticed to maintain strength, personal empowerment and good strong solar-plexus energy in all our relationships