How Do You Express Your Values?

30th Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

If I ask you to make a list of the things you value, I would bet that most people will start their list with things like respect, honesty, and the usual list of fluffy, woolly words.

My next question would be how you apply these values in your daily life.  Again I would probably get quite a few “you know, we just do it” answers and a vague wave in the air, or maybe even a few noble textbook answers.

We have a lovely saying in Afrikaans, which can roughly be translated into “between the hand and the mouth, the porridge will drop to the floor”.  This means that you may start out with an intention, but in taking action the inconsistency between your thoughts and actions will show.

The creation process consists of four steps.  First you feel the quantum vibration.  Then you turn that vibration into a thought.  You add filters to the thought based on your own biases and prejudices, and then you act on the thought.

The inconsistency between thought and action happens because you add filters that twist the original vibration into something that cannot easily be recognised.

Let me give you an example.  You work for a company that claims respect for their clients is very high on their list of values.  This respect is expressed in many different ways every day when they deal with clients, and that is what has given your company a good reputation and a competitive advantage.

But what happens back at the ranch?  You have a new employee who needs to submit weekly progress reports.  You hand the report template and an incomplete example to the employee, and say “here, this is what you must hand in next week”.  That is the only instruction.

The employee hands in a progress report the next week, but it does not nearly meet your expectations.  You don’t say a word about it, because you do not like confrontations.

The employee hands in the second set of progress reports, based on the same original instructions, and of course it is a mess again – as expected. This time you demand that the employee puts in overtime to re-do the progress report, and this time you give complete instructions.  You explain that although the headings say “blue blocks” and “red blocks”, the company practice is to use those blocks to fill in the days of the week.  You indicate all the other elements that were missing from your instructions and from the half-baked example you provided.  You even offer to sit next to the employee and go through the reports line by line, because obviously the problem is not with your cock-eyed instructions, but with the employee’s lack of ability to second-guess years of crossed lines in the company processes.

Did you respect the employee’s time and intelligence?

This is just one example of values that are used in promotional material but never thought through and explained well.  Company values are not only there for promotional purposes and for having a professional façade in place.  They are meant to guide every move that is made in your company.  Where you act against your company values, no “yes, but” and no deaf ear will undo the internal damage.

And where one such discrepancy is allowed and not challenged by everyone from the management team down, another discrepancy will happen, and another.  Very soon you get a company culture where challenging any incongruence between values and actions are regarded as disrespectful.  Ship sinking fast, captain leaving first!

Love and Light
PS:  I am The Intuition Coach.  I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals.  What is consuming all your energy?  Visit for a FREE New Start Quiz.

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Is Christmas The Best PR Job Ever?

25th Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

If you believe in and celebrate Christmas, I wish you a merry Christmas.  You may choose not to read the rest of this article, because I respect your choice and wishes and have no desire to change you or your beliefs.

If you don’t believe in Christmas or you have not made up your mind yet, read on – I may have some interesting information for you.

I am not convinced that a person called Jesus ever lived.  I have read widely on the subject and can put forward a convincing argument that Jesus did exist, that he spent a fair number of years travelling the world (including countries as far away as India and the current United States, that he eventually was crucified and survived that, and then got married to Mary Magdalene.  Apparently they had three children and then got divorced, and Jesus was last heard of when he was still alive and well into his seventies.

On the other hand, I can also put forward a convincing argument that Jesus was a resurrection of the myth of a virgin birth, and the ruling tyrant wanted the baby dead.  He was worshipped as a saviour and put to death on a cross between two thieves. He then rose from the dead and ascended to heaven.  Other mythical characters that had exactly the same history include Bacchus, Narcissus, Zoroaster, Cadmus of Greece and a list that is too long to repeat here.

It also makes no sense to me that a monotheistic religion such as Christianity then breaks down their one God into three gods which includes this figure, Jesus.

I was impressed at how flexible and adaptable religion is, and how big an impact the Christian Jesus has even had on other religions, when I discovered what the Hindus did with Christmas, which is not a traditional Hindu holiday. In 1985 a five-day festival named Pancha Ganapati was created by Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami along with elders of various Hindu groups.

During the festival of Pancha Ganapti Hindus create and decorate a shrine in the main living room of the home.  The focus if the shrine is a statue of Lord Ganesha.  Every day the children of the home dress the statue in a different colour.  On 23rd and 24th December, the third and fourth day of this five-day festival, presents are handed out.  Now the Hindu children can also receive presents and not feel left out when the rest of the world goes mad on tinsel and sanctimonious songs

Apparently the tradition of having a Christmas tree is rejected as a heathen practice in Jeremiah 10:2-6: “Thus saith the Lord, learn not the way of the heathen…For the customs of the people are vain; for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.”  I know many Christians who ignore this part of their Good Book but insist that the rest is true.

Why does Santa Claus always dress in red and white?  Because he works very hard on Christmas Eve delivering gifts to children all around the world, and when he gets thirsty, he stops and drinks Coca Cola out of a red and white can.  Yes, that company decided that Christmas was really about the spirit of Santa Claus, and they decided to dress him in company colours.

And to think all of this started with a PR job that was commissioned by the Christian church 2 000 years ago.

I wonder if they would be willing to take on the PR for my new book?

Love and Light


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Relationships: Is Family Conflict Always Bad?

23rd Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

Are you fed up with conflict in your family?  Do you want everyone to have peace? Read this article and discover how a peaceful family could in fact be a dysfunctional family.

A wise man once said that if you have a family with no strife, no issues, no conflict, you should be seriously concerned about the state of affairs.

This was brought home to me again when I asked about the feeding of my new grand-daughter – is it breast or bottle?  I deliberately asked the question because I wanted to encourage the mother to exercise her personal choice.  I believe that a mother instinctively knows what is good for her and her baby.

I recently heard about a matriarch – a mother of five (including twins) and grandmother of a handful – who is the oracle on motherhood, and nobody in her family would dare contradict her on how to raise a child.  She had obviously missed the point that no two children are the same, unless you wear blinkers.

When a recent great-grandchild arrived, this oracle of motherhood insisted that the baby had to be breastfed.  As a result the poor new mother was forced to sit with the new baby for seven hours so that she could learn to breastfeed.

Can you imagine that anyone can be so cruel and destructive?  This matriarch likes to brag about how tight-knit her family is, and how they gather around her for all high days and holidays.  Whenever a decision needs to be made by a child, the oracle is consulted – or rather they approach the matriarch for her verdict, which is followed to the letter, for fear of the consequences.

One person dared to contradict her and refused to follow her instructions, and was “excommunicated” on the spot and ignored by the rest of the family who are victims of mass hypnosis and would never question the judgment of the matriarch.

Then rather give me a family where the characters and their likes and dislikes are miles apart.  I love to meet with my siblings whenever I can.  We think in different ways, we have developed different cultures in our immediate families, and we represent extremes.  This means we always have something to explore, and our arguments always end in love and understanding.

Every family needs balance, and you cannot possibly have balance when everyone sits on the same side of the see-saw.  And when the matriarch sits on the high side of the see-saw and the rest of the family sits in worship on the low side of the see-saw, there is no balance.

The only way for that family to have any balance, is to have a common “enemy” which is the rest of the world.  Anyone who dares to say that for example breastfeeding is an option rather than the only option becomes part of the common enemy.  Where a family agrees on everything, I would wonder whether the family is really a healthy family.

With Christmas and the inevitable family gatherings coming up, please remember to appreciate and love your family because they are different from you.

Love and Light


If you want to discover how to grow from the conflict in your family and have better family relationships, click on the links below to obtain your

FREE e-book How Do I Get Out Of This Relationship? worth £6.97


A FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87

If you want to finally find some peace in your family and get on with your life, then click on the link below to invest in the e-book

It’s Over!  Move On And Feel Good About Yourself

By Elsabe Smit, The Intuition Coach

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Relationships: Unhappy Families Are a Blessing

20th Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

Are you dreading Christmas and the requisite family gathering? Read this article and discover how our families help us improve our relationships.

I recently read a fascinating book about Henry VIII and his six wives.  The author of the book states that happy families all resemble one another, while unhappy families are unhappy in their own unique ways.

And Henry VIII was very good at creating unique unhappy families.  He was married six times.  During an age where divorce was the last option and the divorce of a monarch was unthinkable, he divorced his first wife, had the second one beheaded, lost the third in child-birth, divorced number four, had number five beheaded and left number six widowed.

I recently attended a talk where the presenters described their upbringing to give some perspective to their product.  They started the presentation by asking the audience how many people were from dysfunctional families.  As you could expect, some hands went up immediately (some people like to define themselves by means of their history rather than who they really are) and other hands went up reluctantly (because we all have some skeletons in our closets).

The one presenter then said “As I expected – we are all from dysfunctional families” as if that was a given.  It became clear during their presentation that their view of the world being populated by dysfunctional families impacted on everything they had personally experienced.

It reminded me again that we like to put labels on people, because it makes us feel safe.  We tend to compare ourselves to other people, see their challenges in life and then see our own challenges in a far better light.

You may have heard about the woman who discovered that her husband was having an affair.  They moved in circles where this happened quite often, but people were very discrete about it.  However, this woman was determined not to share her husband.

She confronted her husband with the evidence, and he calmly acknowledged that he was having an affair with a particular woman.  He reminded her that his friend Bob had been having an affair for years, that she was aware of it and never had an issue with it.

However, the wife would not tolerate her own husband having an affair, and of course she then threatened to divorce him if he did not end the affair immediately.

His response was “OK, you can have a divorce.  You will also have your credit card taken away from you, which means you will have to get a job.  You will no longer get a new car every two years or holidays on tropical islands once a year.  You will not be able to buy designer clothes or get your regular beauty treatments.  Would you really like a divorce?”

The wife thought about this for a while, and then said “I think our mistress is far more beautiful than Bob’s.”

On a more serious note, the reasons why families are “dysfunctional” or challenging are because they teach us things about ourselves.  We choose our families before we enter this existence because our interaction with them highlights our own particular needs for spiritual growth.  Somehow we allow families to get away with behaviour that we would definitely not tolerate from others.  We do this because we intuitively know our families love us and will always love us no matter what.  We tolerate their actions until we have learnt what we needed to learn from them, and once we understand, our love for them only becomes deeper.

Some people thrive on their badges of being from dysfunctional families.  That blurs their own perceptions, but that is also part of their journeys.

I know of a couple who were both abandoned as babies.  The husband was from a large family, and he was given away to an unmarried aunt who had a no children but a very strong maternal drive – so strong that she in fact emotionally abused the boy.  By the age of about ten, he was claimed back by his mother.  You can imagine the impact this upbringing had on him.

The wife was given to her grandparents when she was a baby, because both parents had serious health problems.  She grew up thinking that her grandparents were her parents, until she was six years old.  She had no contact with her biological parents and did not even know that they were alive.  Then her parents simply appeared one day and claimed her back and took her home with them.  Imagine the impact this had on the little girl, being taken away from a familiar environment and having to get used to two complete strangers who were now the new figures of authority in her life.

These two people then married and had a daughter.  The daughter became anorexic and suicidal in her teens and nearly ruined her parents financially and emotionally with her excessive demands for things and situations that could potentially make her happy and stop her torturing herself and her parents.

The parents liked to describe the whole experience as an intervention from the Holy Spirit to help them realise that money and earthly possessions are not important.  They described their daughter as a “very mature teacher” of spiritual lessons.

My view was that they were both abandoned as children, and then overcompensated with their child’s upbringing by smothering her with their version of parental love.  They did everything they could to give her the opposite of the childhood they had.   The daughter then rebelled by becoming anorexic and by playing on their guilt feelings and manipulating them to the hilt.

How would they react to a different view on their experiences?  Would they sit up and think about it and learn even more about their journey?  Would they reject a view that clashes with their view of the world and continue to miss the point?  Or is this a point I want to make based on my ignorance?  After all, I was not there and heard their version of the events long after they took place.

And those are the questions that each of us – at least those that do come from unhappy families- have to ask of ourselves.

Being a member of an unhappy family is a challenge because our relatives remind us time and again of our own dark sides.  Because it is a challenge, we tend to prefer the least painful perspective on the issue.

How would each of us react to a view of our lives that focuses on the pain?  Would we understand that the healing will only take place once we experience an equal amount of pain and pleasure, and achieve a balanced perspective on our experiences?

Confronting our own dark side is a brave act.  We often choose to gloss over it, or wear it as a “badge of injury” rather than deal with it.

Once we start to search for the advantages in the experiences that shaped us, we gain an understanding of where and how it fits into the Master Plan.  We see that every single experience has a positive and a negative side.  We stop focusing on the negative side and get a balanced view.  Only then can we experience gratitude and get a feeling of the immense Love that God has for us.  That is the moment where our lives really begin.

And that is the moment when a dysfunctional family begins to heal and start to see and love the lighter side of one another.

Love and Light


If you want to discover why you have such a challenging family relationship and how you can deal with it, click on the links below to obtain your FREE e-book How Do I Get Out Of This Relationship? worth £6.97 AND A FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87

If you want to finally put a destructive family relationship behind you and get on with your life, then click on the link below to invest in the e-book  It’s Over!  Move On And Feel Good About Yourself by Elsabe Smit, The Intuition Coach

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Who Is The Keeper Of Your Willpower?

18th Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

Remember the last time you did something and succeeded purely based on your willpower?  Can you remember what hard work it was?  You had to focus very hard and harness a lot of energy.  You had to be single-minded and dedicated.

Can you remember how you felt when you reached your goal?  There was not only elation, but also exhaustion, because it was hard work.  You also had the satisfaction of knowing that you had created the outcome.  All this happened because you had used your willpower.

Some people give that willpower away.  They enter into a relationship (at work, personal, friendship) with a person who makes choices on their behalf.  They get bullied or dragged into directions that they know are not right for them.  They work very hard to pacify the keeper of their willpower, and that drains their energy.  At the same time they make half-hearted attempts to get their willpower back to where it belongs – in their own control.

When you do not understand that you have handed your willpower over to another person, you feel like a victim, exhausted and not in control.  You use the same amount of energy you would use if you were the keeper of your willpower, but you go in the wrong direction for the wrong reasons.  This is physically and emotionally painful.

Understanding what you have done is the first step towards cutting the ties with the keeper of your willpower.  Of course this can be painful, but at the point where the pain is most intense, the release is also most intense and you become truly free.  And your willpower returns where it belongs – to you, the rightful owner.

Because willpower is seated in the solar plexus, returning your willpower to its rightful place also means the end of various digestive issues.

Even if you have lost temporary custody of your willpower, it is still yours and you can reclaim it any time.

Love and Light


If you have given away your willpower and now want to end that relationship and get your life back, click on the links below to obtain your FREE e-book How Do I Get Out Of This Relationship? worth £6.97


A FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87

If you are serious about getting back control of your life, click on the link below to invest in the e-book

It’s Over!  Move On And Feel Good About Yourself

By Elsabe Smit, The Intuition Coach

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What Do You Pack For A Spiritual Journey?

17th Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

I love travelling.  I enjoy the butterflies and anticipation of getting on a plane.  I get excited about the idea of arriving and having to find my way, especially when I do not understand the language and the country is different.

But I also enjoy discovering beauty and interesting history near my house.  England is one of those countries where even the mundane probably has a history of one or more centuries.  And like other European countries, they are proud of their history and happy to display their knowledge to anyone who wants to listen.

But what has all this to do with a spiritual journey, you might ask?  Everything.

A spiritual journey is much more than packing your bags to visit a holy place.  There are people who go to a graveyard regularly to talk to those that are buried.   Other people visit a spa and get pampered from head to toe.  Others simply sit in a garden and regain their balance.  Then there are people who survive trauma such as bereavement, divorce, rape, torture, redundancy, and so on, and become an inspiration to others.  And others go shopping to release their stress.

How do these journeys qualify as spiritual journeys?

The tarot major arcana describe our journey through life.  We enter life as innocent fools, and have various experiences that cover every aspect of life.  We choose to have a particular slant, such as emotions, intellect, money, or faith.  We also choose a life theme, such as Love, Justice, Judgement, Temperance or any combination of the major arcana.

People like to think of themselves as unique, because we are all unique.  Each one of us chooses a different combination of aspects that we want to explore in our lives.  Then we get born.

Our spiritual journey on earth commence when we choose to inhabit a body and those cells start to multiply and divide after conception.  From that moment we are destined to have a spiritual journey on earth.  When we also choose the experience of a journey such as a pilgrimage or hajj or any other form, the journey is more intense during that time, because of our focus.

Does this mean a still-born or aborted baby does not have a spiritual journey?  No.  They have their own journey which coincides with the mother’s journey, and with the journeys of everyone that are affected by them.  When the medical doctor or nurse or chaplain or social worker deals with the consequences of death at any stage, they do so because they chose to explore matters such as life and death as part of their own lives.  They cannot do so unless other souls are willing to participate in these journeys.

We have conflict in our lives and it gets resolved.  We have troublesome relationships and grow from them.  We doubt ourselves and find our confidence.  We have traumatic experiences and recover from them.  We feel the intense joy of being loved and we have our senses stimulated by nature.  All of these happen for a reason.

Every single experience we have in life is planned as part of our spiritual journeys.

Do we have to be spiritually aware to gain from these experiences?  No.  Where a person claims to be an atheist, they are still able to love and be loved.  You can be very religious and still experience intense gratitude or have out-of-body experiences.

You may not want to put a label of spirituality on any experience you have, or you may shy away from describing anything in your life as spiritual, but that does not make anyone less spiritual.

On the other hand, going on a pilgrimage of any kind does not make you more spiritual either.  You may raise your awareness by doing a consciously spiritual journey, but when you started out in life you were on a spiritual journey, just like the person who chose not to do a pilgrimage.

And when we leave this world, we will continue on our spiritual journey, because it is an eternal journey regardless of what you believe about any life after this.

If you have already packed for your journey, take my advice.  Leave half of your stuff behind, so that you can make space for new discoveries.  If you insist on travelling with a full suitcase, expect your body to protest.  Expect physical illness and exhaustion.  If you are afraid of your physical journey, your body will protest, but that is only the symptom of your fear of a spiritual journey.  And there is nothing you can do to avoid your spiritual journey – you can not even die, because the journey continues after your death.

If you only pack half your stuff, expect to bring back not only gratitude and joy, but also new challenges – that is proof that you are alive and still on your journey.

Love and Light
PS:  I am The Intuition Coach.  I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals.  What is consuming all your energy?  Visit for a FREE New Start Quiz.

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Relationships: On Mistresses And Morals

10th Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

I recently shared a meal with some acquaintances.  The conversation turned to how relationships start.  Someone explained, to much laughter from the group, how she tried everything to get away, but eventually realised that someone was Mr Right and perfect for her.  That moment changed her life.

One of the men nodded, and agreed that one just know when someone is right.  He had the same feeling when he met his girlfriend a few months before.

I knew the man was married, but in England there is this weird situation where you get divorced in stages – like cutting off the tail of a dog bit by bit, so that it will hurt less?  And from what I can gather British people generally do not wait for the process to end before they move on to a different relationship.

When I asked sympathetically how long the man had been separated from his wife, he said no, he is happily married.  He then told me that in the UK it is “traditional” for a man to have a mistress.  He also said that his wife was aware of his “lady friends” but she has no idea how intimate these “friendships” are, and that kept them both happy.

That did not really surprise me.  A few months after I had moved to the UK, I went to visit a lady in her 80’s when she was recovering in hospital after an operation.  We were talking about the news of the day, which had something to do with the accident in which princess Diana died.  I must have said something about Diana (I cannot remember the entire conversation) but that triggered a tirade against Diana because “she did not know her place, she was not royal, and she complained about nothing and embarrassed the royal family, because a man, and especially a prince, is fully entitled to his ‘bit on the side’”.

I was astonished at the time, not so much about what the old lady said, but because I got to know her as a very Christian person and a staunch supporter of the Church of England.  But then the Church of England has its roots in the actions of King Henry VIII who had a wandering eye and believed that his rules were the only rules, especially when it came to women.

I was not quite sure what to think about this man who seems to be an intelligent, decent man who gets on well with everybody. You would think that he is a predator who finds vulnerable women, tells them that he is married and intends to remain so, and then has a relationship with them that obviously excludes children and many other means of sharing a life.  Those women know that they cannot make any claim on his time or how he lives his life, because society will turn against the women as being home-wreckers.  Few people will question the motives of a happily married man.

I am not convinced that his wife really knows nothing about these other women (it turned out there were two of them at the time, and he really has to juggle his social schedule to get round to everyone and ensure that he is not discovered).

Is this about morality?  That is what most people would think.

However, I am convinced that it is about balance.  The husband finds other women because he is missing some balance in his life.  He does not have much in common with his wife (I overheard conversations where he was perfectly civil and friendly with her, but he could not remember which day of the week she has a half-day job).  This does not matter to him because by the time he gets home she is there, waiting for him.  With his mistresses, on the other hand, he always knows where they are – and this is important because he does not want them to run into each other or into his wife.  That is balance.

Where is the balance for the wife?  She is financially dependent on her husband.  If she leaves him, she will have to find a job to maintain herself.  If she values having loads of free time without her husband (that may even include a relationship with another man) and being maintained by a man, then she is satisfied.  However, this will only be the position when she values those things above fidelity and honesty.

Where is the balance for the mistress?  Her need for sex is satisfied, and she has the excitement of an illicit relationship as well as companionship.  At the same time she has an admirer that is not there all the time, which gives her freedom.  As long as these values outrank the values of for example having children or having a relationship based on trust, then she is happy.

Most often when a relationship comes to an end, it is because the values of the two partners clash.  Sometimes people get into a relationship with clashing values, and they quickly move from infatuation to resentment and the end of the relationship.  Other times people with different values have a relationship, and they grow and learn from one another.

When you look at the satisfaction of values in a marriage rather than at the document that makes it a marriage, the picture looks different.  And the same holds for other relationships like employment or friendship as well.

Next time I will withhold my judgment and rather add to my understanding.

Love and Light


If you have decided to end your relationship because of an affair and you are not sure how to go about it, click on the links below to obtain your FREE e-book How Do I Get Out Of This Relationship? worth £6.97 AND a FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87

If you are serious about ending your relationship and getting on with your life, click on the link below to invest in the e-book  It’s Over!  Move On And Feel Good About Yourself by Elsabe Smit, The Intuition Coach

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Relationships: Dealing With The Death Of A Partner

9th Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

When a person dies we go through the stages of grieving. What is that grief, and what are we sad about?

Assume that we do believe in eternal life. That means when a person dies, they leave their body behind and continue to live in a different form – a form that some of us recognize as the person’s ethereal body. This happens because we are energy, and energy cannot be destroyed.

If the person continues to exist, but only in a different form, why do we get so sad about somebody dying? What exactly is it that we lose?

Death reminds us of our own mortality, and when we have unfinished business here, we feel pressure to get on with our own business. If we do not understand that we have all the time that is required to fulfill our purpose here, we will be sad.

Death also means that we will experience our relationship with the deceased person in a different way. We will no longer be able to talk to the person (or ignore the person if that is what we did when they were still alive). Thoughts of that person will fill our minds. Sometimes we will have loving conversations with the person, and at other times we will have nightmares about the person.

People come to this earth and inhabit their bodies because they have a purpose. They have specific lessons to learn, and to teach to others. All of us are here to learn and to teach.

When we no longer have anything to learn, the time comes when we leave our bodies behind. We can still continue to teach others even after we had left our bodies. We do that by means of those conversations in our minds.

Once a person has left their body behind, they are in a state of Love, regardless of the nature of the earthly lives they had lived. That is why we have such loving experiences with our deceased loved ones.

But what if we have these nightmares and fears that continue after the person has passed on? If we do not understand this change, namely that the deceased person is in a state of Love, we continue to hold on to our own fears until we are able to resolve them.

Grieving is also about loss. We believe that once a person has passed on, we have lost everything we had with that person. We believe that we have lost a loving look, memories of good times together, and all the other things we wanted to hold on to.

This might sound strange, but death is not about loss, because we never lose anything. The Universe is in complete balance. We keep everything for ever, and we need to find those things elsewhere. For example, after many years of marriage you lose the companionship of a loving partner. At the same time a friend supports you and a rich friendship takes the place of that companionship. Or you become more spiritually aware and continue the relationship with your partner, but in a spiritual way.

If death is not about loss, what is it about? Death is about re-assessing what we have, and about finding the balance again in a perfect Universe. The balance is there. When a person departs, we temporarily forget about the balance. We cry because we experience a sense of loss. Over time we regain our balance and we understand that we have lost nothing.

This applies to all losses and all grieving. Do you grieve about the loss of a friend? Did you as a result of the loss of the friendship gain new friends, which restored the balance? Do you grieve about the loss of a child? Have you, as a result of that, found other people to care for, maybe people who also lost children?

But some of you say no, this is not true for me. I have felt the pain of that loss and it will remain with me forever. That is your choice. If you want to spend the rest of your life here cherishing the loss, you can do that. If you want to find out how the balance in your life has been restored, it will become clear to you very quickly.

When you are able and willing to understand what it is that you have lost and gained, you can move on and find that inner peace. When you choose to define yourself for the rest of your life in terms of your loss, the rest of your life will be off balance. The world will move on regardless of how you define yourself, and you are part of the world. Do you really want to live the rest of your life mourning something that you have not lost?

Love and Light


If you find it difficult to move on after the death of your partner, click on the links below to obtain your

FREE e-book How Do I Get Out Of This Relationship? worth £6.97


A FREE copy of the video Why relationships Never Fail worth £8.87

If you want to keep the loving memories of your partner but also yearn for companionship and want to move on without any guilt, click on the link below to invest in the e-book

It’s Over! Move On And Feel Good About Yourself.

By Elsabe Smit, The Intuition Coach

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Relationships: Dealing With an Abusive Partner

8th Dec 2010

Are you in a violent, controlling, co-dependent or abusive relationship, or recovering from such a relationship? Read this article and discover why we have abusive relationships and how to recover from them.

Some people are real “suckers for punishment” – like those women who keep going back to partners that abuse them physically and verbally. And there are men as well that stay with abusive partners, or people that stay in jobs or in friendships where they are bullied.

No, I am not judging them. I also have a lot of empathy for them, because it took me years to shake off two abusive relationships, many destructive work environments and some feel-bad friendships, even after I had recognized what was happening. I was also a “sucker for punishment”.

In this case there is more truth in that expression, “sucker for punishment“, than we may realize.

We are all One and part of the same perfect diamond that is called God – or any other name that you know Him/Her by. All of us are required to form this perfect diamond, and the diamond would be flawed if any one of us is different or missing. Abusers also form part of the same diamond, and they are also part of our Oneness.

When we are in any type of relationship with a person, we have an additional bond with that person – over and above the one we have with all humanity. Imagine that bond to be like a very strong silver cord that ties two people together. That cord exists between the abuser and the abused, just like it exists between two married people that have been in a happy relationship for forty or more years.

We enter into relationships because we know intuitively that we need the other person to learn important things about ourselves, and to help us get a balance in ourselves that we would otherwise miss.

Why would anyone willingly enter into an abusive relationship? Even when people close to you warn you of what they can see but you cannot? And why would anyone stay in that relationship even when their physical and emotional safety is on line?

Because we are “suckers for punishment”. That silver cord is firmly in place, and it literally sucks us back to the other person until we either realize that we no longer need them and move on, or until there is an incident that weighs more than the pull from that cord, for example when our lives are threatened.

That cord is based in the solar plexus chakra, where our will power is seated. All the time while the cord is in place and we stay in an abusive relationship, we hand our own personal power over to the other person.

When the solar plexus chakra is open and healthy, we understand that we are in charge of our own lives and that we can make our own decisions. We then contribute to a relationship in equal measures, and we understand that we are in the first place individuals, and in the second place part of a relationship.

When the solar plexus chakra is blocked and not healthy, we often believe that we are powerless and that we just have to suffer the punishment that is meted out to us by our partners – or even by work colleagues or other family members that abuse us. The silver cord ties us to those people as well and not just to partners in a love relationship.

That is why people tend to stay in an abusive relationship for long times, and why they often go back even when they do get the courage to move out. They are pulled back by this cord that ties them to the abuser, because physical distance from an abuser does not change the belief that they are powerless. Physical distance does not stop them handing their power over to the abuser, because physical distance is a man-made concept and not real. That silver cord is real.

Once the change happens in the person and he/she starts to understand that they have a personal power and they take that power back, the solar plexus chakra starts to function normally. Then the person gets the courage to leave the relationship. This could mean getting a divorce, changing jobs if the abuser is a work colleague, or breaking off ties – yes, that is literally what happens – with an abusive friend or family member.

Sometimes that realization of having personal power takes too long, and we are forcibly removed from the situation, for example we face the wrong end of a fire-arm and flee to safety, and that gives us the courage to stay away from the abuser and heal the solar plexus chakra. Or we get dismissed from a job and discover that we are better off in a different job. Even then, it could take years to find our balance again.

The question is: why is this kind of information not available to us when we most need it? Why is the understanding and the healing not available much earlier?

I suppose that is where our karma comes in – we need the experiences to find a balance with previous experiences. We choose our lives and our experiences, and at times it is hard to remember that all our experiences and our entire lives are perfect for our purpose in this life.

Love and Light


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Dreams: Dreaming About People

7th Dec 2010

Hello Lovely People

Have you ever had a really intense dream about a person?  Have you noticed that such a dream is shorter and more intense than any other dream?  And that the dream often contains a truth or a solution to a problem that you may not be able to resolve when you are awake?

For example, a woman had a really bad relationship with a man and managed to break away from him.  However, for many years after the end of the relationship she would still get nightmares about the man and wake up in a sweat.  This would indicate that the relationship is not finished.  The torture would continue in a different dimension until either or both people are ready to end the relationship and look back with gratitude at how the relationship has shaped them to become the people they are.

Another example would be the parent who is estranged from a child for reasons that are out of their hands.  No matter why the situation occurs, a parent will never stop loving that child and reaching out to the child.  Then the parent dreams about the child visiting in a dream, and the dream is intensely sweet and comforting – unlike the reality when they are awake.  Often the parent would wake up and feel the estrangement even more intensely.  However, they would miss the point that the dream actually indicated a resolution of the estrangement, and that the child recognized some truth that is above and beyond the realities of the strife.

Does this mean the parent must rush in “where angels fear to tread”?  No, on the contrary.  The parent should rather accept that there is a change in the feelings of the child, and therefore in the situation.  Then the parent should with Love and anticipation wait for the child to confirm this change, no matter how long it takes.  Of course the parent should also be aware of their own emotions regarding the child, and work on resolving those emotions.

On a level that matters we ignore the constraints of strained relationships and actions that display a lack of Love.  People can pretend to do and say what is alien to their nature, but their true nature always lurks just below the surface.  No matter how much we pretend the opposite, we cannot put boundaries on our true nature of Love.  If we do not display that true nature when we are awake, it comes out in our dreams.

When you dream about a person you know, that dream usually indicates an intense emotion around that person that you would not recognize or choose to ignore when you are awake.  The emotion will not go away until it is resolved.  It is important to know that such a dream is not about the person you dream about, but rather about your unresolved emotions related to that person.

If the emotion is expressed in a dream, it normally means that the emotion is already causing some energy blockage somewhere in your body, and your unconscious says that you will do yourself a massive favour by dealing with the emotion rather than deny it.  If you continue to deny your emotion, then the energy blockage will remain and eventually turn into dis-ease.

When you have such an intensely emotional dream about a person you do not know, the dream represents a longing that you often choose to deny in your waking time, because you find it embarrassing or you believe that it will not happen because it is not possible.

Such a dream tells you that not only is it OK to dream about that longing, but that it is possible for it to become real, and that you should bring that dream into your waking time and make it a reality.  After all, dreams and dreaming are significant parts of the creation process.  If anything stands in the way of your dreams becoming reality, then you should not say “It is impossible”, but rather remove the obstacle and see how the impossible turns into the possible.

Love and Light
PS:  I am The Intuition Coach.  I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals.  What is consuming all your energy?  Visit for a FREE New Start Quiz.

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