Murder, yes. Divorce, never (2)

29th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

Continued

Two: A marriage certificate is a legal contract, not a death sentence. The contract is not a guarantee against change. The contract only spells out what the initial agreement was, and in some instances it also documents the agreement on a potential outcome. The contract does not say that you will die if you are in breach. Experience says that you may die from ill health if you insist on never ending the contract and clinging to it at all costs. It’s your call.

Three: There are two people in a marriage. They either grow together, or they grow apart. That is life. When you allow a whole community or society into the marriage, then nobody grows, except in terms of the amount of fear of change that they gather and share.

Every relationship has a natural life cycle. That includes a marriage. If people manage to let go of their fantasies and accept what comes natural, the end of a marriage will be accepted as a wonderful growth experience.

What we have instead is often a prolonged nightmare that is dictated to society by people who either vowed never to marry but made the rules, or who spend lots of energy upholding their own fantasy in the eyes of the world.

Here endeth the sermon.

Now get yourself a coach who understands that divorce is both the end of the world as you know it, and also a tremendous opportunity for growth. Then find your own balance in your thinking, and get an amicable divorce where everyone can congratulate themselves on being better off emotionally and spiritually as a result of the divorce. Then get on with your life.

Or stay married and find yourself a good doctor who will help you camouflage all the symptoms of your distress, and spend all your energy on maintaining a fantasy in the eyes of the world, while you are deeply unhappy.

There is no reason to become a victim when your marriage ends.

I know which approach works – been there, done that, and lived to express my deep gratitude for the experience. I also learned how to cut the process of making sense out of the experience from 10 years to a few hours. It can be done because it is a scientific process that can be repeated at will.

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Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


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Murder, yes. Divorce, never (1)

28th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

Picture this: Sicily 1965. (If you are giggling about this, you remember Sophia and you probably have grey hair!)

A couple has been married for 20 years. They have teenage children. He is the breadwinner – and he has done so well that his family now prefers cake to bread. She is the home-maker – and she prefers to not leave home, in case a flower arrangement or a recipe needs urgent attention. The picture of perfection. Or is it?

Here is another picture: he started his career at a high, being the best student, then the best intern, then the heart and soul of the party and a social asset to the company – but not quite living up to professional expectations. She was the strong support in the background, and quietly worked her way out of the kitchen and onto the bench in the courtroom. They have a “pigeon pair” son and daughter who are also achievers in their own right. Everything is all right – or is it?

In both instances the cracks in the marriage are there to see for everyone – except for the main players.

Too often couples achieve their “picture of perfection” and are then trapped into maintaining their circumstances at all costs while they grow miles apart. And oh boy, do they pay – and pay.

Any change they are willing to accept must be external, as in a bigger house, a better car, more exotic holidays. The marriage must remain intact, “until death us do part” – because that is the norm.

What are the consequences? The marriage becomes artificial. The participants become physically ill, because they resist change in their spirit, mind and body.

Here are some tips on how to deal with the situation.

One: change happens all the time. Resist it at your peril, or ride the wave and grow from it.

To be continued

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


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Lucy Stone Was Right

27th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

I was dealing with a client who is going through a marital crisis after about 20 years of marriage. A big part of the crisis is that she had lost her own identity to the extent that she is no longer anyone other than Mrs Husband. She did this because she believed it was the right, good Christian thing to do. The church will have a lot to account for on doomsday!

That made me question the practise of women taking on the surname of the husband upon marriage.

The kabala teaches that every sound, and therefore every letter used in your name and surname, carries its own meaning and destiny. When you change your name or surname, you in effect change your destiny.

Long before I discovered this, I got divorced and took back my maiden name. At the time I was regarded as a rebel (so nothing new there) and out to break tradition. There were people who told me that changing my surname would not make any difference to me, but it did. When I had my new identity documents showing my own surname, I did feel a sense of freedom and newness.

Have a look at this website – I was astonished to discover that in many countries women in fact did not change their surnames upon marriage and were not expected to.

This is just one of the things where we believe there is only one way to do things, and that is the way we are told to do by self-appointed authority figures. I have taken another step out of ignorance.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


15 Comments

 

Please Make Me Happy

26th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

I sometimes get requests from people to help them move to the UK, because they are so unhappy where there are, for various reasons. For example, a man does not like his job in Jordan and sends his CV to me so that I can find him a job in England. Or a woman does not like the cultural constraints on her behaviour and actions in Egypt and wants me to help her find an English boyfriend. Or a man in South Africa hears how happy his friends are in England, and decides to move after them and share their happiness.

The one thing that these people have in common is that they want other people to make them happy. They do not know yet that happiness comes from inside, and not from other people.

To put it another way, they feel trapped in their situation and want to escape at all costs to the land of milk and honey, wherever and whoever that is.

Guess what? These are the immigrants who find fault with everything in their adopted country. They cannot find what they came looking for, and go back to their homeland, even more disillusioned than when they arrived in their adopted country.

This happens when someone does not understand one of the basic laws of nature, namely that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. They live in a bubble of unhappiness and they do not even notice the positive aspects of their situation.

Every situation, no matter how “bad” it is, has two sides. And we have two options in terms of how to deal with the situation. We can focus entirely on the downside, and find lots of evidence that we are right. Or we can deliberately search for the upside of the situation – because it is there if we care to look for it.

For example, to escape from an unpleasant job my friend has developed a hobby that he can make money from. That will combine his passion with his economic need. He can practice that hobby in Jordan or in England.

The lady could find an English boyfriend and be at his beck and call, so that she can survive in England. How does that differ from being at the beck and call of a man in her own country based on her own culture? She already has many means of coping with her current situation but does not recognize them, because she is looking for a solution from someone else.

And the South Africans who want to come to England in search of happiness? Until they have resolved their emotional issues about their own country, they will not be happy anywhere else in the world.

If you are unhappy where you are right now, look for the exact opposite of what causes your unhappiness. When you find it, a chemical reaction will take place in your body, and you will change permanently – for the better.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


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Hold Your Own Memories

25th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

Who is in charge of your memories?

I was clearing out some photographs over the weekend and had to decide whether to keep or delete photographs of people who are no longer part of my life. I decided to keep the photographs because each one of those people made me the person I am today, and I want to take my gratitude for them into the future. I have no desire to destroy them or their images. And this is not emotional baggage either. If I lose the photographs because of my own doing, I will not be devastated.

This reminded me of my first serious adult relationship – a really sweet one that was not meant to last. Even at the time I knew that I was out of my depth and I think that contributed to me feeling flattered about the attention I was receiving at the time. When the relationship fizzled out, I felt gratitude and relief and moved on – and kept the photographs and mementos.

Then I had another relationship where my new partner insisted on destroying all those innocent love letters and photographs. At the time I thought I should feel flattered because of his jealousy and possessiveness, but I just felt bewildered and a sense of loss.

That sense of loss has remained with me until this day. It is not a matter of getting closure or letting go of the previous relationship – that was never relevant.

Not all memories of a past relationship are “bad” – or “good” for that matter. Those memories are part of a path of self-discovery and very personal.

When you hand your memories to another person, no matter what your motivation is, it is in fact the beginning of the end for the new relationship. This is the point where you hand over control of your destiny to your new partner, and where you put a part of yourself on hold. That part of yourself does not go away – it waits until you are ready to deal with it.

I spent the rest of the weekend recalling my rose-coloured version of that first relationship – and maybe it was good that there were no photographs or love letters to remind me of the reality – who knows?

I only realized yesterday what I was meant to learn from an incident that happened a lifetime ago – because I am now ready to learn and move on.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.
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Living Your Passion

22nd Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

If you have to do something purely for the passion and because you feel it is your life’s work, what would that be?

Are you doing it already?

If not, why not? What is holding you back?

More important – when will you start?

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.
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1 Comment

 

Smile ;-)

20th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

Have you smiled today? Have you given someone else a reason to smile?

Watch this short video and have a lovely day.

?Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


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Bad Energy Rubs Off

19th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

I like to believe that there is good in every person, and all we need to do is keep looking and keep loving.

I am also realistic because life has taught me that this approach only works up to a point. Some people are on this earth to spread poison and malice, and with the best will in the world you cannot change them, because their mission is not to change.

There have been times in my life when I was so bombarded with negative energy that I felt I was being dragged down into the same space as the people who projected their lack of self-love on me. I have had to make some very hard decisions about people that were supposed to be close to me, but who were clearly out to destroy me. I had to distance myself from those people and it was very painful but necessary for my own survival.

The consequence was that by detaching myself from the person and the situation, I discovered what those people had to teach me. I was then able to appreciate the wisdom I gained from them and think of them with unconditional love – or so I thought. The love was there, but on the condition that despite my gratitude towards them, I had to stay away from them if I wanted to be my true self.

I discovered that as people we are not capable of unconditional love, but we are capable of forgiveness – in the sense that forgiveness means understanding what those people have had to teach us, and feeling gratitude for the wisdom we gained from our experience.

Social media is no different from life – in fact, social media contacts are probably even more intense and instructive than having personal contact with people.

When we have personal contact with people, we can lie and pretend, and get away with it for a while. With social media, every word and sentence you type carries its own energy, and people pick that energy up, even if they deny that such energy exists.

I have blocked contact with a handful of people of the type of “hi mem I want to merry nice amerikin girl mem do you life alone mem”. I have blocked contact with one other person who was incredibly destructive and who on more than one occasion had a field day while intoxicated, only to brag about the situation afterwards.

I do believe in freedom of speech, and I also believe that bad energy rubs off. There are times when you have to decide to either love and leave a contact, or be dragged down to the level where that contact feels comfortable. This is no different from life away from the internet, just more intense and therefore happening much faster.

If you ever decide to block a social media contact, I trust that you will do it with love and understanding rather than with anger and resentment.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


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Do You Regret Your Past?

18th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

Are there things in your past that you would rather forget? Do you regret things you did, or opportunities that you missed?

Do you sometimes think how different your future will be if only you could change your past? Now there is a scary thought – why would you want to change your past?

Think of your life as a series of events. Each event has a purpose, otherwise it would not happen.

Now think of all those events that you would rather forget or wipe out. What was the purpose of each one of those events? How did each one of them contribute to making you the person you are today? And what kind of person would you have been had it not been for those events?

For example, you had the opportunity to study and get a qualification. At the time you did not want to take on the financial obligations, and you could not imagine yourself being disciplined enough to study for three years. Instead, when your parents finally kicked you out of the nest, you took the first job that came your way. You earned enough to survive and have a good time with your friends.

Then one morning you woke up and realized what you had done by turning down the opportunity to study.

What is next? Too often you get caught in a spiral of self-blame and self-pity. You focus on the missed opportunities and you tell the younger generation not to do what you have done.

Do you step back and identify and appreciate everything you have done in the meantime? Do you think of the people who look up at you as their natural leader? Do you list the skills you have gained along the way? Do you look at yourself as a unique person with character traits that are not taught as part of any formal qualification, such as empathy, using your discernment to decide who should be given a hand up and who should be left to learn from their “mistakes”, how to manage your finances, and so on? The list of what you have learned as a result of the route you took is often far longer than the list of things you believe you have lost.

So here is the choice: remain stuck in the past and continue to regret and resent the path you have taken, or make a list of everything you have gained and learned, that made you the person you are today. Who you are right now is a result of your past, and your foundation for the future, regardless of how you choose to deal with your past.

The foundation is there. You can use half of it and build a future full of self-blame and self-pity, or you can use the entire foundation and build a future based on appreciation and gratitude for who you have become.

You will make the choice that is right for you.

Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


3 Comments

 

Honour Your Body

17th Oct 2010



Hello Lovely People

Do you realize what a work of art your human body is?

Reflexologists can diagnose and pinpoint the stress in your body by pressing on various parts of your feet and hands.

Homeopaths can diagnose dis-ease in the body by looking into your eye.

The ancient Chinese diagnosed dis-ease by feeling your ear.

Even today people give up smoking by means of acupuncture treatment on the ear.

Your entire body is represented in every other part of your body.

Isn’t that a miracle?

?Love and Light
Elsabe
PS: I am The Intuition Coach. I help people who lack clarity, vision and purpose to remove their blocks, discover their intuition and achieve their goals. What is consuming all your energy? Visit www.TheIntuitionCoach.com for a FREE New Start Quiz.


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