My Friend is Shattered by Widowhood

27th May 2009



Hello lovely people

There are few life events that are as life-shattering as suddenly becoming widowed – especially if you are not yet at the right age (whatever that may be) to become widowed.

Dealing with the practical arrangements of a funeral or cremation and the paperwork related to the estate are often the easy parts.  However, even these actions can add to the immense turmoil of emotions that suddenly explode when a beloved partner passes.

If the partner was not necessarily a beloved and there is the additional trauma of an abusive relationship that has suddenly ended, it is no wonder that some people become unable to function and do even the most simple things.

Many recently widowed people are at first unaware of the immense anger that they radiate. They like to believe that their friends avoid them because the friends do not understand or no longer want them as friends.

But consider this: have you ever been introduced to a person and immediately felt, for no good reason that you do not want to be in the presence of this person?  Have you ever seen someone on television – a person that you have never even met – and had a similar reaction to this stranger?  This is an intuitive and illogical response that is often later justified (at least in your own mind) when you receive more information about the person.

People tend to intuitively have a similar response to grieving people.   I say similar, because when you meet a person that is shattered by grief and struggling to keep themselves together for even the simplest task, you do not necessarily dislike them – on the contrary.

You rather feel their immense pain and confusion of the grieving person at an unconscious level.  You also intuitively observe the aura of the grieving person – and you do this regardless of your belief that you are not able to “see” auras.

If you have had similar experiences in the past and managed to work through your own experiences, you will be able to respond intuitively in your own way.  You will be able to acknowledge and neutralise some of the anger of your friend – for the moment, because such deep anger does not get resolved in the blink of an eye.

If you have not had any experience that will give you even an inkling of the deep emotions your friend is experiencing, you have choices on how to deal with this change in your friendship.

The first option is simply to walk away.  Many people do that and miss out on an opportunity for self-growth.  They also leave their bereaved friend in a space that confirms their sense of isolation and loneliness.

The second option is to continue as if nothing much has changed, and not to acknowledge the strong emotions of your friend.  This is probably worse than walking away, because you deny your own emotions and you deny the change in the friendship.

The third option is to understand that everything happens for a reason, and that this friendship is part of your life path.  For goodness sake do not tell your friend that they became widowed for a reason – they will discover that in their own time.  When you tell them this while they are so full of strong emotions such as anger, telling them that there is a reason for their immense pain would be proof that you just do not understand.

Rather use the opportunity to say to your friend “I want to walk this path with you, but have no idea what to do to help.  Please tell me how I can help.”

Be prepared for every reaction from “Leave me alone” to “Be with me all the time”.  Be prepared for using your common sense and doing practical things like mowing the lawn or offering to babysit.  Be prepared for observing lots of crying and knowing that you cannot take the pain away, and learn to take it in your stride and remain a friend.  Be prepared for remaining a friend and growing in the process.  Above all, be prepared for loving your friend no matter what.

I am doing a survey on coping with widowhood.  If you are recently widowed or lost a life partner (including a same-sex partner) you may want to participate in the survey.  If you have a friend that has lost a life partner, you may want to pass the link to the survey on.

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe


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Am I my brother’s keeper? 3

25th May 2009



Hello lovely people

Would she have changed her mind if there was another war that resulted in more cultural changes and getting more people killed?  Probably not.  What if she was supposed to incarnate so that she could have the experience of being oppressed as a woman because in a different life she was the oppressor?  What if she chose to have that experience because she had to accept her feminine energy which she rebelled against?  What if she had actually accepted her own feminine energy but she incarnated to learn to accept and exercise her male energy?  And what if I incarnated so that I could help such women to gain some insight and stop the cycle of abuse, but I chose not to do anything about it because I do not support war?

And that brings me to the core question – for me at least.  Is my role to step back and respect the lives and choices of others, even when I see them suffer as a result of these choices?  Or is my role to step in and show empathy and help those that are weaker than I am?  Should I contribute to a charity that collects money to provide food to a faceless, nameless victim of famine somewhere in Africa?  Or should I make it my personal mission to give handouts of food to people that are hungry, even though I do not know them?  Or should I not bother about strangers but rather reach out to the people I know personally that obviously need a hand up?  Or should I not reach out to anyone and simply focus on my own spiritual awareness, because after all I incarnated to get closer to perfection?

The first commandment in the Bible teaches us that we are not allowed to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  To me that means I am not entitled to judge anyone else, because there is no such thing as right or wrong.  And the question of right or wrong is never more prominent than when it involves life and death, such as decisions on war, abortions, the death penalty, euthanasia, suicide, murder and so on.

I think I will need to incarnate a few more times before I have the answers to any of these questions.

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe


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Am I my brother’s keeper? 2

21st May 2009



Hello lovely people

I once heard about a couple that chose to terminate their first pregnancy because the foetus had a serious genetic defect that would have ensured a short and very painful life for the baby.  Everybody was in agreement that the couple took the right decision.

There was much joy when they had a second pregnancy.  All the relevant tests were done to ensure that this time round the baby would be healthy, and all the test results looked good.  When the baby was born, it was healthy – or so it seemed until about six months later when a rare dis-ease was diagnosed.  The parents had to decide whether to provide very expensive medical care that would only extend the pain and misery of the baby, or whether to limit the medical care and spend as much loving time as possible with the baby before it would pass on.

Now is that bad luck or what?  I do not think so.  In this instance I believe that the issue for both the parents and medical staff was to experience the decision over life and death in this dimension.  If for example a judge and a court of law had to step in and make this decision, there would probably have been another little soul that would have forced the parents and medical staff into the same situation until they eventually experienced the gratitude of understanding what they had to learn from this situation.

In this book, The Bookseller of Kabul, one of the characters is a young woman who is desperate to do something with her life other than live the Cinderella existence that her male relatives and her culture expected of her.  She enrolled for classes to improve her English and to her horror then discovered that the classes were open to men as well.

This was after the Taliban had been ousted and when it was acceptable again for men and women to be in the same room, even though still with specific conditions.  For this young girl the thought of being in a room with men that were not her relatives were so abhorrent that she never returned to the lectures.  You can guess what her future held for her career-wise.

To be continued.

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe


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Am I my brother’s keeper? 1

17th May 2009



Hello lovely people

I recently read a very interesting book The Bookseller of Kabul written by Åsne Seierstad.  The book provides a snapshot of an Afghan family and their daily lives.  From a Western point of view the patriarchal society and the oppression of both women and men is probably shocking, but for those people it is a way of life.

The book raised an interesting question for me.  The question does not only cover large issues such as making war against another country with a different culture.  Think about smaller issues such as abortions, arranged marriages, or parents putting pressure on children to follow particular careers. Or how about aid workers bringing relief to countries where there is famine and dis-ease, but not being accepted by the local people?  And should female circumcision be stopped?  Is it right for a parent to refuse blood transfusions for a critically ill child?  Should people be prevented from choosing euthanasia or assisted suicide?

Ok, I agree, none of these issues are small.  But all of them raise the same question for me.  If we belief in free will and that people make their choices before they enter into this world, surely those people chose their lives here on this earth and it is not for me as an individual to interfere and force my choices upon them?  Or am I supposed to step in and help them out of their ignorance?  Where do we draw the line in terms of getting involved personally?

Many people would say that for adults that are in a position to stand up for themselves it makes sense to leave them alone to live their destiny, but what about vulnerable adults and children?

We need to understand that people are mature souls when they come into this world.  A baby might be vulnerable, but the soul of that baby is probably a soul that chose to incarnate into this life.  In that sense anything that happens to babies are a part of their personal blueprint.  What happens to the baby happens for a reason, and that reason involves for example the parents, the grandparents and the medical staff that are involved with a sick child.

For example, a baby is born with a defective heart and the life expectation of the baby is not very long, unless the parents authorise the medical staff to perform a potentially dangerous operation that might save the life of the baby.  But what if that baby, in other words that soul, chose to incarnate with that medical condition in agreement with the parents and the medical staff?  What if the parents incarnated because they had to have the experience of making decisions about the lives of other people?

To be continued

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe


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I need a divorce – and quickly 2

13th May 2009



Hello lovely people

When the right answers do not come, we get angry at the world, and if we are willing to take responsibility for our actions, we get angry at ourselves for being so stupid.

The next step of this completely natural process is to get depressed – depression is anger without passion. Only then do we get the courage to make the required change and get out of the relationship.

The aftermath of such an experience is often that we spend a long time in turmoil and going through all these emotions again and again.  Some people never get the point, while others get the point and move on.

What is the point?  It is that we go through these experiences because they are meant to teach us about ourselves.  We have work or love relationships with these people because they had agreed to become our teachers.  Often these decisions are meant for us to experience our dark sides – where we have to confront our own demons – and the partners in these relationships help us to do this.

When we do not understand how these experiences shape us, we get stuck in the turmoil of “how could they do that to me” or “how could I have been so stupid”.

However, when the moment of understanding happens, we feel such immense relief.  That is the moment when we see the actions of the other person in perspective, not as vindictive, but rather as a means of helping us to get our own demons out in the open.

That is the moment when we grow up and experience gratitude.  We can then go back to the people who have “done these things to us” and thank them for their contribution to our inner peace.

Imagine a society where we understand that all experiences are learning experiences.  We are far from it yet.  What we do have, is a society that seeks to blame and to place the burden of our own lack of self-insight on other people.

Of course we can allow these various emotions to get out of hand, and take some rash action.  For example, there was the woman who approached the local pharmacist and asked for cyanide.  “What on earth would you want to do with cyanide?” he asked.

“I want to poison my husband” she said coolly.

Of course the pharmacist was quite upset about this and made it quite clear to her that he was not going to be part of such a plot, and that he hd no intention of selling any poison to her for that purpose.

The woman then took a photograph out of her bag.  It showed the pharmacist’s wife in bed with the woman’s husband.

“Now that changes the situation,” the pharmacist said.  “You did not tell me that you had a prescription.”

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe


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I need a divorce – and quickly 1

10th May 2009



Hello lovely people

What do you do when you let your heart run free, knowing even as it happens that you have made the worst possible decision?  We often hear about celebrities that get married on a whim, and within a matter of days, or sometimes weeks, they head for the divorce court.  They have the courage to stand up in public and say “This is not for me.”

But many people do not end a spur-of-the moment marriage so quickly.  They decide to make the best of it, to work on the relationship, to sleep in the bed that they have made for themselves, and so on and so on.

Which is the best way to go?  Get out of the marriage quickly, or work on it?  There is no right or wrong answer.  The issue does get confused when a marriage certificate is brought in, because then there are legal as well as emotional ties that need to be cut.

Some people get married on the basis of passion – and passion invariably burns out when the reality of daily life makes demands.  When the lid of the toothpaste tube is missing, or when an unexpectedly large bill is to be paid, or the toilet seat is up, or the pockets of the clothes in the laundry bag have not been emptied, a minor incident could become a stone in a shoe and eventually a reason for divorce.

But then these issues are superficial and only become serious when they are symptoms of other, more deep-rooted issues.  Often a failed marriage is based on unrealistic expectations.  The ideal is to enter the marriage with no expectations at all, but we often live in a culture where especially marriage comes with many unrealistic expectations.

A comedian once said that a bride’s attitude towards her betrothed can be summed up in three words:  Isle.  Altar.  Hymn.  The implication is that women enter into a marriage with the expectation that she will get her way, but at times men also do this.

Either way, we miss the point here.  A marriage or a wedding is not about the ceremony or about the legalities.   It is always about the lessons that people have to learn from each other.  There is no such thing as a mistake or a wrong decision.  Some decisions have consequences that are harder to deal with, but those decisions are the ones that we learn most from about ourselves.

Some of us have entered into a marriage or other relationship, even an employment relationship, knowing in the pit of our stomachs that we make the biggest possible mistake, and at the same time knowing that there is no turning back.  We then spent much energy first “working on the relationship”, and then justifying why we are in it.

To be continued

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe


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Yes, you are going out of your mind 2

7th May 2009



Hello lovely people

Some people refuse to deal with this.  They become more religious than ever, and become quite judgemental of those that follow their hearts and embrace the new awareness.  They live in fear and like to spread fear, because they understand that fear is a means of control that in a twisted way provides the security of being controlled.  Other people get depressed or start to use medication to sleep better.  People develop various forms of physical dis-ease that they can focus on instead.  And other people enjoy making fools of themselves by “not acting their age”, in other words losing their dignity and clearly being confused about who they are.

Of course there is the other choice, which is to explore the changes and the new awareness.  This exploration leads to an understanding that the brain is not the mind.  The brain simply acts as a “radio station” that receives signals from the mind, and during the spiritual awakening the brain starts to receive signals from a different “transmitter” in the mind but outside of the body and brain.

Therefore, when people become aware of their spiritual awakening, they become aware of “going out of their mind”, in other words setting the brain aside and opening up to the awareness that there are different dimensions that exist around us, and that we only chose to live in this one for the moment.

How do you deal with this spiritual awakening?  The first action is to choose whether you want to reject it or consciously explore it.  If you want to reject it, that is your choice, and it is neither right nor wrong.  Whichever way you choose is perfect for you.

If, on the other hand, you want to consciously explore your new awareness, you will be surprised to discover the many opportunities that are opening up to you.  At the same time you will experience what I can only describe as a deep sense of knowing about what resonates with you and what you should stay away from.

There are as many different directions and flavours of spirituality as there are people on this earth.  You will find that you are intuitively drawn to some of these directions and practices, while you will probably find others to be hilarious and quite entertaining.    Remember, what you laugh at may be a very serious matter for someone else.  The best advice I can give you is to trust your heart and listen to your intuition, and you will find this path quite rewarding.

However, this is only the advice of one person.  If anyone insists on telling you which path is the best for you, I would question the intentions of that person, because how you explore your spirituality is a very personal decision.

Where do you find more information on exploring your spirituality?  That depends on your own inclination.  One option is to go to the nearest large bookstore and explore the mind, body and spirit section.  Some books will call out to you, while others will not attract you at all.

If you do not like reading, find shops that focus in what is popularly known as “new age” shops and browse.  Look at the items and advertisements in the shops and explore, explore, explore.  Search the internet for information on topics that you find interesting, and find groups that you can associate with and have conversations with.

If all of that increases your confusion, then here is something simple that you can do.  Find a quiet space, close your eyes, and ask for experiences that will bring enlightenment and clarity to you.  Then simply open your heart and spirit for these experiences, and “go out of your mind”, in other words set aside any judgement while you explore and expand your wonderful awareness.

If you are looking for scientific proof and explanations of the experiences that you are having, you will find them (or rather these explanations will find you once you have voiced your intention).  If you only want to increase your intuitive awareness, you will have this.

Enjoy every step of this new path, wherever it takes you.  Believe me, it is mind-blowing!

First published in The If Journal.

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe


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Yes, you are going out of your mind 1

4th May 2009



Hello lovely people

Are you one of the increasing number of people that see things and especially people that are not there when you look again?  Do you hear things that nobody else hears, including voices in your head that sound like your thoughts but you know that they are not your thoughts?

Do you sometimes feel like your body is transparent, or even that you are separate from your body? Do you have more and more experiences that can only be ascribed to serendipity, and you are wondering about the onset of old age?  Have you recently had vivid dreams full of symbolism that made no sense to you and that even scared you?

If your answer to more than one of these symptoms is yes, then congratulations! The good news is that you are “going out of your mind”.  No, there is no need for a straight jacket or in fact for any medication at all.  There is only good news.

Another way to describe your experiences is that you are having a spiritual awakening, or you are being “re-born”.  Chances are that the level of vibration of your body has already been adapted, and you are already at a higher level of evolution.  You are only now becoming aware of this.

If you look back over your life and recent experiences, you will probably agree that the awareness of this change has been with you for a long time, but at the same time it happened suddenly.  By now you have a different concept of time, and it is even possible that you have experienced time either being compressed or slowing down to a rate where it all becomes very confusing.  You are getting to understand that time is a man-made concept, but that does not clear up the confusion in your head.

Why am I saying that you are “going out of your mind”?  Let me explain.  We normally spend the first few years of our lives on this planet – easily until after the age of 40 – believing that our minds control our lives, and believing that our brains are in fact our minds.  We are quite happy believing this, and most of us conform to the norms of the environment and culture that we were born into.

But then these “strange” things begin to happen to some people.  It is popularly called a mid-life crisis, and it is ascribed to hormonal changes in the body, but the spiritual awakening has very little to do with hormones.

Hormonal changes and spiritual awakening coincide as much as bacon and egg – it is simply convenient and traditional to associate the two.  Spiritual awakening can happen at any age, and nowadays it is not strange to find people in their twenties having a so-called mid-life crisis.  This is because the composition of their bodies changes at an earlier age, and this allows them to function at a higher vibration.

It is at this point of change that we realise our brains and our minds are two separate entities.  We become aware of subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) nuances in our environments.

We become aware of a different dimension and initially it is confusing and at times downright scary.
To be continued.

First published in The If Journal.

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

Love and Light
Elsabe


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